Order Only: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

I really, really wish I could talk with Severus right now.

After living with Dementors for so many years, he would be the best person to ask about what to say to a prisoner who must be living through the worst fear and despair she's ever faced. And he taught Ginny occlumency, didn't he? He'd know the inside of her mind and maybe could give me a fucking hint about what I could say that could make a damn bit of difference.

I want to say something to reassure her that no matter what she's been forced to spill, we won't blame her. But I can't figure out how to say it without coming off as either selfish, judgemental, oblivious, or fucking condescending. And all the while that I'm struggling to put this down on parchment, she's going through cruciatus. Again and again and again.

Dammit. I'm supposed to be good with words.

Whatever choices you've made, or even whatever actions you've taken or words you've spoken because you had no choice, we know they're the right ones. Because they're yours.

Argh. Any suggestions, I'm all ears.

Edited to add: And that includes blowing the forces of old MLE to smithereens. Fred was talking wistfully today about wishing he could get a hold of his old store of fireworks to use where it counted. If only we could.

Comments

[alt_charlie]

You know, I was thinking the same thing last night, about Snape. And how good he was at giving you things to do without asking you anything daft like "are you all right" or "do you want to talk about it". I didn't quite realise how much I missed him. I guess all the people we've lost haven't quite sunk in yet.

Merlin, I'm praying Ginny's not going to be one of them.

I don't know what we could say to her. I really don't. Maybe something simple like "we know what they're probably doing to you, we're not giving up on you, nobody's going to blame you for anything you have to do to keep yourself alive", but then I think, do we really want to tell Bella fucking Lestrange and the rest of the monsters who have her that we're not writing her off? I don't know. I really don't.

And nobody has any idea about how we could rescue her, and I'm no different. I'd go storming right in there this minute if I thought there was even the slightest chance of getting to her before I got killed, dammit.

[alt_bill]

I would, too.

Fred stopped by before turning in to tell me that George lost it this evening. What did Fred and George always do to deal with the stress whenever they were hacked off about something? Play Quidditch, right? So George went down to the Quidditch shed, dying to get up on a broom and hit some bludgers around, and then he destroyed the Quidditch shed when it sank in--again--that he couldn't. Fred thought that extra helplessness was just too much for him to bear. Terry saw what George was doing and yelled for help, and Fred and Pansy managed to calm him down eventually. Fortunately.

I've been surprised at how well Mum is holding up. She said that she went and held Adam for awhile this afternoon, and I guess that helped.

Maybe I'll have my tantrum tomorrow.

I dunno. I think I'll sleep on it overnight and post it in the morning if I can't think of anything better. I ran it by Rachel. My big fear is saying something that will backfire on Ginny somehow, and Rachel said she had absolutely no idea either.

[alt_bill]

I think it's important that we say something to her. I really do.

I don't want her to think we're being silent because we think she's betrayed us. She's had to face more than any of us have had to face.

[alt_charlie]

Yeah.

Well, all right, let's think about it logically for a bit. If she's being tortured, she won't have her journal, and they're not going to read out messages to her that sound like "we love you, hang in there". They'd only read her things that will make things worse for her. So maybe write her something that hides the real message in a bunch of garbage that they'd think might hurt her? Except then we couldn't guarantee they'd read the bits that have the real message in them, or she might be tired and in pain and fucking stressed and might miss the real message, and that would just make things worse. Nevermind, dumb idea. Especially since if it's a PM just to her, they wouldn't let her read it without knowing what it said.

Maybe I should make a public post talking to everyone about how much we love her and believe in her and somebody else, not one of the family, can write a PM about how disappointed we are in her and we can hope she sees my post when they show her the PM. I don't know. Every idea I have is a dumb one.

[alt_bill]

What makes it so difficult to think through is that it's always been our worst fear, you know? Being in the hands of the enemy, and they know the truth about your loyalties, and you're utterly at their mercy. And they don't have any. I realised that tonight as I was talking with Rachel. It was my worst fear, her worst fear, and how can you think around that? It primal, it shuts your brain off.

That's why Voldemort and now Bellatrix have managed to stomp around mowing everyone down for over a decade. If something's unimaginably horrific, that's right where they'll go.

Gah. Well. My message to her is that she doesn't have to be perfect. So I guess my words don't have to be perfect, either.

I wish you could lend me a dragon to roast Bellatrix Lestrange and Barty Crouch to a crisp.

[alt_charlie]

Yeah. It doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be something.

If I thought I could aim a dragon properly I'd've done it a long time ago.