Order Only: Thinking of Selwyn, and the past few months

[alt_bill]

I've been mulling about Selwyn, especially ever since the Order meeting, when we got the pensieve report of what happened at that rite in the graveyard.

I suspect pretty strongly that Selwyn must have approached me with this coup idea. But something happened in the course of that conversation, something not quite right, and so they ended up obliviating me. Which means...Merlin. If I had joined him....

Bloody hell. Talk about REALLY being in Mortal Peril.

What did he want with me? How did he think I could help? Was there something he detected, some clue, that made him think I would go for something like this? Did he suspect anything else about me and my associations? Did he share them with his fellow conspirators?

I went back and re-read my journal carefully, and two things jumped out at me. One was a private message I sent to Charlie back in January. I'm going to copy it out as a comment to this post. It's about an encounter I had with Selwyn that puzzled me and troubled me quite a bit at the time, and it acquires a whole new significance in hindsight, knowing what we know now about what he was planning.

The second thing is something I asked Minerva about in a private message a few weeks ago, when the worry over the idea that Selwyn and Derrick had both imperiused and obliviated me was really eating away at me. She never replied to me. Back when it first happened, and I was so worried, she made some cryptic comments to Alice that at least she knew my loyalty wasn't being tested.

Look. I have to ask again.

Minerva...how do you know that? And what else did you know?

Comments

[alt_bill]

This is what I wrote privately to Charlie back on January 23:

There was a little more about that meeting with Selwyn that I didn't say to the Order as a whole.

He was talking about Virgil Crispin. Percy's bleeding role-model, the ever-perfect Crispin, you know. Selwyn said that Crispin had expressed an ambition to join Our Lord's inner circle, and killing Herbert Fleet was his test. Or his duty, or his privilege, or maybe all three. And then he gave me this crooked smile and asked if I were ambitious.

I swear, I could feel the hair rising on the back of my neck. It was as if--as if I was on the other side of that Moment that Dad and I always talked about, when we would sound out people, to see if they're prospects for the Order. Except Selwyn was sounding me out for something completely different. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe this is just the first probe. Maybe I'm not a good candidate anyway. I'm probably not. I'm the son of the regrettable Arthur Weasley, and my parents are suspected of having blood traitorous sympathies.

But for a moment there...bloody hell. I could almost see it, you know? Having a prospect like that dangling in front of my nose. Or maybe just a hint it might be offered in the future. A chance to be a part of the Inner Circle, and maybe the chance to bring back information, real information that could give the Order a chance, that could maybe cut a few years out of our feared timeline of throwing off these fucking psychopaths.

All I would have to do would be to convince them I'd be happy to become a psychopath myself. To get in, I might have to do murder.

Dad had to do stuff he hated.

But MURDER? What could possibly justify that?

(And we were worried about Percy going bad....)

This is the choice that Minerva faced, isn't it? And yes, her information is crucial. But look

I knew I had to say something, but I was so afraid of getting it wrong, and closing the door for good. So I said that he must have been ambitious. Did it worked out as well as he had hoped?

The only answer he had to that was a bitter laugh.

I thought it wouldn't be quite believable if I seemed too eager. So I said that I wasn't sure if I could do what he and Crispin had done. It must be normal to have doubts; how did he overcome them?

He told me (in the flattest, deadest voice imaginable) that all that he could do was to trust that Our Lord's wisdom was surely greater than his.

I told him I want to serve the Protectorate. And I was glad for the opportunity he had given me, with the Assistant Director job. And I knew that to rise to the top might take a kind of determination, of fortitude--all right, ruthlessness--that was rare. I'd like to keep the possibilities open.

He asked me, 'You wish to serve the Protectorate? Or the Protector?'

The only answer I could think of for that was, 'aren't they one and the same?' Which led to him giving me an ironic little salute with his glass of Firewhiskey.

I don't know how I did. I don't think I've hopelessly bolluxed up any future possibilities.

I'm just not sure I want to face them.

I wish I could talk with Dad.

P.S. I've been thinking about Ron. It feels even more urgent to write to him and far more impossible. With Dolores Umbridge on the prowl, pouncing on anyone writing a Private message, it seems much too dangerous now. And I'm not sure sending an owl would be secure enough.

[alt_mcgonagall]

Selwyn asked me to be part of the conspiracy some time ago.

I was aware of the conspiracy's goal, and I swore the Unbreakable Vow to keep it secret. It seemed, at the time, the best thing to do. I had no opportunity to tell the Order before.

That is how I knew that your loyalty was not being tested, but rather the opposite. I suppose you must have assured Selwyn that you were utterly loyal to the Lord Protector, and thus were Obliviated. At the time, I was grateful—no need to have two of us implicated, should things go wrong.

And they have, of course.

However—Selwyn was quite careful, you see, to approach me in the most roundabout way possible. The Lord Protector may have seen in his mind that I was part of the conspiracy, but Legilimency focussed on someone cannot tell you the full context, cannot tell you how a conversation was understood by all parties. I believe that, barely, I might squeak by as an innocent Gryffindor dupe in Selwyn's game—viewed from some perspectives. There is a thing known as "plausible deniability." And I was not at court during the actual events, and was careful to simply express loyalty to young Marvolo, not to any faction. And I believe that I am still seen as useful, for reasons beyond my ken.

You did well, I am certain of it. You did the only thing you could have done.

[alt_mcgonagall]

Also, upon reflection—I am nearly certain that Selwyn would have solicited you, in particular, in hopes of discovering a way to use the journals in secrecy, though he never told me so. And that makes it clear why it would have been so important for you to swear utter loyalty to the Protectorate: to protect us, Order Only.

It is speculation but at this late date it is as close as we shall get to knowing the truth, I believe.

[alt_bill]

Merlin.

So THAT'S it. He picked me because I was involved in setting up the journals in the first place. A coincidence, then, rather than anything I did to give myself away.

Well, I must say, that's a huge relief. Which is outweighed, unfortunately, by the danger you're in now.

I suppose it all depends on how much Voldemort stripped Selwyn's mind for knowledge before he killed him. Does anyone have any idea whether Selwyn knew anything about occlumency?

So you haven't been summoned at all? If you are summoned, will you dare go to Court?

There's the option of Moddey Dhoo for you at least. Which is an option that Selwyn didn't have, although it saved his kids.

[alt_molly]

Oh, Minerva. I'm so sorry. What a load you've been carrying! You must have been watching all this with bated breath for months, and then had your hopes fly up when it seemed that Selwyn succeeded. Only to have it all unravel again because of that dreadful rite.

[alt_kingsley]

Moddey Dhoo isn't a bad idea, Minerva. You should at least think about it.

[alt_mcgonagall]

I have not held this long to turn tail and run when it gets a little hot, Kingsley.

[alt_mcgonagall]

It has not been worth speaking of.

I selected a nasty time to go off the bottle.

(Do not worry about me in that regard. If I can manage this—I can manage anything.)

[alt_mcgonagall]

I was at court this past Sunday, though not summoned specifically. Strangeweale was the victim then.

The Dark Lord can get nothing from my mind—or, He has not yet, and I am beginning to finally trust my mental barriers, if I am still alive after all these trials, after appearing there. I am certain he tried.

At worst, someday I shall be summoned and appear only to be killed. Well, what of it? At best I shall manage to claw my way back up the ranks. Or perhaps He has decided that my loyalty to Marvolo is as good as loyalty to him. Or perhaps he believes me to be a dupe, in which case He shall use me as long as He can. Intelligent dupes are rare.

Yes, I shall go to court whenever he summons me. He is capricious and cruel—but there is no getting around it.

[alt_lupin]

Do you know who else was in the conspiracy? Other than Selwyn, of course.

[alt_kingsley]

And what was your role in the operation supposed to be, Minerva?