It makes me feel like utter shite to be so fucking jealous of Charlie. He's been my rock since you've been gone, and after what happened after that damned ritual, I owe him my very sanity.
But he knows how I feel about her--or how I did. But he can't stop flirting with her.
Except he isn't flirting. He's not cruel like that; he never would be. He's just being his relaxed, friendly self, and she responds to that. She's friendly and warm to him the way she never will be to me. Because I screwed up so badly on that horrible night back in December. So I'm stiff and polite to her, and all the things I want to say get choked up in my throat and never said and she's...kind to me.
Merlin. Kind to me. It's like coals of fire being heaped on my head.
There's a part of me that wants to scream at him. He has lovers already, so why does he have to steal her away from me, too?
But that isn't fair; she isn't mine, she was never mine. I buggered up any chance I might have ever had with her completely on my own. So there's no point in saying anything to him. I can't.
I need to forget about her. Stop dropping by Doughty Conduit for beers on Friday nights. Just smile and walk away and try to find someone else.
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branchandroot
Private message to Arthur Weasley
Date: 2013-05-19 05:16 pm (UTC)It makes me feel like utter shite to be so fucking jealous of Charlie. He's been my rock since you've been gone, and after what happened after that damned ritual, I owe him my very sanity.
But he knows how I feel about her--or how I did. But he can't stop flirting with her.
Except he isn't flirting. He's not cruel like that; he never would be. He's just being his relaxed, friendly self, and she responds to that. She's friendly and warm to him the way she never will be to me. Because I screwed up so badly on that horrible night back in December. So I'm stiff and polite to her, and all the things I want to say get choked up in my throat and never said and she's...kind to me.
Merlin. Kind to me. It's like coals of fire being heaped on my head.
There's a part of me that wants to scream at him. He has lovers already, so why does he have to steal her away from me, too?
But that isn't fair; she isn't mine, she was never mine. I buggered up any chance I might have ever had with her completely on my own. So there's no point in saying anything to him. I can't.
I need to forget about her. Stop dropping by Doughty Conduit for beers on Friday nights. Just smile and walk away and try to find someone else.
I'm going to be alone forever. I just know it.
I'm a snivelling, self-pitying arse.