Date: 2013-07-04 12:46 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (tired)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
Ugh, sorry I wasn't around last night when you wrote. We've got a bad strain of Ridgeback flu going back and forth between us and the dragons, and just about everyone's either puking up their toenails or taking care of the dragons who are.

You all right?

Date: 2013-07-04 02:09 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (quiet)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
No, it's all right. Told you, I'm here for you on this when you need me.

That bad, then?

Date: 2013-07-04 02:25 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: by <user name=norfolkdumpling site=livejournal.com> (thoughtful)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
Ugh. That's good thinking, but it must have been awful to have to make yourself do it.

And yeah, it's all right to talk about it, if you need to. I'm not going to turn up my nose at you.

Date: 2013-07-04 02:52 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (pensive)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
Merlin.

Wasn't like after the rite in December, then, was it? I wonder ... I wonder if it's always like that, if it feels so good to cast it for everyone. If maybe that's why they made it Unforgiveable in the first place, because otherwise everyone would...

Don't mind me. Just trying to, I don't know, put it together.

What about the other part, then?

Date: 2013-07-04 03:35 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: by <user name=norfolkdumpling site=livejournal.com> (thoughtful)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
Ugh.

On the one hand, it sounds as though it wasn't as bad as it could have been. I mean, not to belittle what you're feeling, but ... it could have been worse, you know? The Order does need you to do this, or rather, the Order needs you in that position and that position needs you to do this. And if that's the case, it's better that you can, you know what I mean?

On the other hand, over and above the fact that it's Dark sodding magic, if you're this torn up about it, that can't be good for you, either. And if you keep being this shaken by it, Mulciber will notice, and he'll know you're not as gung-ho as he'd expect you to be, and that will make him look more closely at you and that's not a good thing. Or he'll realise how much you hate doing it, and think that's funny, and go out of his way to make you do it as often as possible.

I guess the best thing to do is just to keep your head down and play along, and do what he orders you to do, and try your best to ... I don't know, be elsewhere when he's on a rampage or something, so he doesn't try to get you involved in it. And try to avoid giving him the impression that it makes you sick to do this, but don't make it look like you enjoy it too much, either. If that's even possible.

What did everyone else say about what you should be doing?

Date: 2013-07-04 03:36 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (intense)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
And no. I'm not judging you.

And if you start coming up with excuses to cast those spells more often, or start enjoying it too much ... I still won't judge you. But I'll stop you.

Date: 2013-07-04 04:16 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (distracted)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
No, that all does make sense. A lot of sense, really. And I mean, I don't know a lot about all this, but I can imagine it's a lot like trying to deal with a sick dragon -- it can't talk to you, so you can't know for sure what it needs, so you have to try different things and wait and see what works and what doesn't. And if you go in there with a solid conviction that you know what's wrong and what will make the dragon get better, you get stuck in a rut of doing the same thing over and over, even when it isn't actually helping -- so you have to wait and see, and look at what's really there instead of what you think should be there or what you've told yourself would be there if it really was what you'd decided ahead of time it was.

Sorry, that sentence was horrible, I'm not at my best right now.

What I'm trying to say, I think, is that you have to be careful that you don't decide ahead of time that casting those spells is going to make you a monster, because if you decide that, part of you is going to believe that and make it happen. And you can't decide ahead of time that having to cast those spells is going to be something life-shattering, or else a part of you is going to make it be -- make you turn and twist things until the fact that you've had to cast the Unforgiveables makes you, well, unforgiveable. But you can't decide that doing it is fine, either, because then you'll treat it like it's no big deal, and you'll become someone for whom it is no big deal. Fine line, yeah?

You're right to not tell Mum, but you were equally right to tell me. In fact, I want you to promise me right now that whenever you have to cast one of them, you tell someone. Whether it's me, or Alice as the head of the Order, or Sirius or Kingsley or Snape, or even Fu, really -- doesn't really matter. But you have to promise me that you'll tell someone, so we can make sure you aren't tilting too far in one direction or the other.

Date: 2013-07-04 04:40 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (not listening)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
No, you berk, I've only told you twenty times you can tell me anything, it's not like I mean it or anything.

Sorry, I shouldn't be sarcastic at you, not when you're obviously this torn up about it. But Circe's saggy tits, Bill, if you feel like you can't talk to me about anything and everything, I'm obviously falling down on the job. Yes, I'll listen. It's what I do, isn't it? Family's family.

Now put your journal down, go get some lunch, and stop chewing over this like last night's leftovers. You need to stay sharp while you're there, and I'm sure your new boss frowns on you writing in your journal when you could be anticipating his every whim.

Maybe go find that Auror and ask her to lunch with you. Lunch with a pretty girl makes it hard to mope.

Date: 2013-07-04 04:47 pm (UTC)
alt_charlie: (Default)
From: [personal profile] alt_charlie
Little brothers know these sorts of things.

But I didn't know for sure, not until you just told me. Now get!

Profile

alt_bill: (Default)
Bill Weasley

September 2015

S M T W T F S
   12345
6789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
27282930   

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jun. 11th, 2025 02:59 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios