I don't know. I think there are some people who have a taste for it. And Percy and I just turned out to be some of the lucky ones. Ugh.
So, yeah, Crucio.
She talked about the mental part, that your mindset is the most important part of casting the spell. Sally-Anne Perks sent me an essay she's written in her Dark Arts class, where she explained that hatred is the primary emotion you draw upon when you're casting it, and anger and contempt are the secondaries. She asked me if there had been any time I'd been angry enough to hurt someone. She didn't ask for any details. Well, that was easy to answer--it was the scene that happened with Ron last December, when I threw him up against a wall and then tried to obliviate him. But I guess it didn't work, because I've felt so much remorse about it, and I've apologised to him. So I told her I needed another approach.
She suggested thinking about Mulciber, to imagine hurting him (I guess she's already twigged to the fact that I really don't like him). When that didn't work, either, she told me to imagine a scenario: I was back in Mulciber's office. I had to cruciate someone. Someone clearly innocent (she actually suggested I imagine it was the tea trolley girl). Or else he would cruciate me. I had to go over it in my mind, playing up the fear and the rage.
My mind was fighting me, I guess. I just didn't want to do it, and that was sort of bolluxing everything up.
So next she told me to imagine that it was Fred and George that Mulciber had at wandpoint and was threatening. That startled me, but I could see her point. I'm more likely to let the rage flow if it's over someone I really care about. She had me stand next to the goat and point my wand at it with my eyes closed. I could feel the emotion starting to well up, and as soon as I realised that, I said the word. But knowing I was on the brink made it all ebb away again.
She told me to substitute another person in my mind that I hated more, if that would help. I played around with imagining Umbridge hexing the twins, but I came back to Mulciber. Maybe I hate him more.
She had me say statements in my mind. I have the right to make you suffer was one, I remember. I think that didn't work because I just don't believe it. I could hear Dad's voice in my mind, trying to get in there instead, and I had to shove it out. Then she suggested, My rage makes me strong. That worked a little better, and the rage started building, but again, I was a split second too late saying the word or something, and it didn't work.
Then something occurred to me, a statement that felt true. It felt right. I thought as hard as I could, The Order needs for me to do this. I thought of Mulciber, and I wrapped it around the rage and I said the word and--and the goat shrieked so loudly I almost dropped my wand.
I had to walk away to pull myself together. I thought of Dad again, and I almost spewed right then and there.
I do not have a taste for Crucio, thank Merlin. Nothing like I do with Imperius.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2013-07-04 03:20 pm (UTC)So, yeah, Crucio.
She talked about the mental part, that your mindset is the most important part of casting the spell. Sally-Anne Perks sent me an essay she's written in her Dark Arts class, where she explained that hatred is the primary emotion you draw upon when you're casting it, and anger and contempt are the secondaries. She asked me if there had been any time I'd been angry enough to hurt someone. She didn't ask for any details. Well, that was easy to answer--it was the scene that happened with Ron last December, when I threw him up against a wall and then tried to obliviate him. But I guess it didn't work, because I've felt so much remorse about it, and I've apologised to him. So I told her I needed another approach.
She suggested thinking about Mulciber, to imagine hurting him (I guess she's already twigged to the fact that I really don't like him). When that didn't work, either, she told me to imagine a scenario: I was back in Mulciber's office. I had to cruciate someone. Someone clearly innocent (she actually suggested I imagine it was the tea trolley girl). Or else he would cruciate me. I had to go over it in my mind, playing up the fear and the rage.
My mind was fighting me, I guess. I just didn't want to do it, and that was sort of bolluxing everything up.
So next she told me to imagine that it was Fred and George that Mulciber had at wandpoint and was threatening. That startled me, but I could see her point. I'm more likely to let the rage flow if it's over someone I really care about. She had me stand next to the goat and point my wand at it with my eyes closed. I could feel the emotion starting to well up, and as soon as I realised that, I said the word. But knowing I was on the brink made it all ebb away again.
She told me to substitute another person in my mind that I hated more, if that would help. I played around with imagining Umbridge hexing the twins, but I came back to Mulciber. Maybe I hate him more.
She had me say statements in my mind. I have the right to make you suffer was one, I remember. I think that didn't work because I just don't believe it. I could hear Dad's voice in my mind, trying to get in there instead, and I had to shove it out. Then she suggested, My rage makes me strong. That worked a little better, and the rage started building, but again, I was a split second too late saying the word or something, and it didn't work.
Then something occurred to me, a statement that felt true. It felt right. I thought as hard as I could, The Order needs for me to do this. I thought of Mulciber, and I wrapped it around the rage and I said the word and--and the goat shrieked so loudly I almost dropped my wand.
I had to walk away to pull myself together. I thought of Dad again, and I almost spewed right then and there.
I do not have a taste for Crucio, thank Merlin. Nothing like I do with Imperius.