Order Only: Thanks

[alt_bill]

I'm better now.

Couldn't sleep last night until 4:30 am, but then Charlie and I managed to kip until the rooster woke us up at dawn. Staggered into the house, where Mum made us breakfast, and then I went to bed and slept like a rock until this evening.

So my days and nights are turned around, but the inside of my brain feels much more familiar. If still a bit soggy. Which is a huge relief.

Charlie extracted a copy of the memory last night as soon as I returned. Two versions: the whole thing, and then just an excerpt showing the view of the night sky at the beginning and the end. I hope we can borrow Dumbledore's pensieve at the Order meeting for anyone...anyone mad enough willing to view it, who thinks they might be able to shed any light on what this has to do with the wards.

I'm a bit stumped about what to do with the astronomical portion, though. We need to find an expert who can intrepret it accurately enough to pinpoint the site. And I'm firmly of the mind that we need to find that site. As much as I dread the thought of going back there to confirm the location. If we could do tests of the soil to help identify the, uh, fluids that were spilled, and examine any lingering magical signatures, that might be really crucial information.

Comments

[alt_nymphadora]

I do know what it's like to have your inner timepiece turned inside out. It's odd. But the truth is, the small hours are right peaceful, and strange in a way I really quite like.

It's not for everyone, I know. And might not suit you, at all. But the dark has a way of screening out some of the things That are annoying in the daytime world.

Don't listen to me. I'm going on about nothing.

Actually, what I really wanted to say, Bill Weasley, was that it's good to hear you sounding more like yourself, and I hope you feel more like him soon.

[alt_bill]

Thanks, Tonks. I'm getting there.

I think stopping by the beer garden sometime soon would help. To renew my company with good friends.

Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

I can't thank you enough for sticking with me through the night. You gave me exactly what I needed, even though I turned into such an arse by the end. (And sorry.)

Thanks especially for keeping the bottle away from me. Now that I've come to my senses, I agree it would have been a bad idea. I usually don't feel so desperate for a drink. Thinking it over, though, it occurs to me that part of it was sort of a reaction to the fact that I'd just shared one with Dolohov. I know I scared you last night because I seemed so off by the time I returned, but I really don't think he detected a thing. Doesn't know me well enough, I suppose. He, on the other hand, was acting as if he were strung out on too many doses of Invigoration Draught, as if--well, the only point the entire night I felt the potion falter in covering my reactions was when he said something about how witnessing the rite must have felt so satisfying for me. Because of Dad.

I managed to choke out something about how, yeah, the bitch utterly deserved it.

Merlin, the way he grinned at that....I cut short the chitchat about five minutes after that and came back to the Burrow.

So I think that somewhere inside of me, I just wanted to have a drink with you. To scrub that out of my mind.

Along with everything else. If that makes sense.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_charlie]

That does make sense. Scary sense, but sense.

I can't imagine having to go through that. Any of it. (But having to go out drinking with him later -- ugh.)

But I don't have to imagine it to know when you need me. And you had a damn good reason to be an arse for a while. You can keep leaning on me as long as you need to; I'm only paying back all the times you've done it for me.

(And it's not like I took it personally when you were throwing things at me and call me names. Knew you weren't yelling at me, if that makes sense.)

And when you've got a bit more distance from things, we'll go out for that drink, and we'll toast to the day when we can put those monsters where they belong.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

'Can't imagine'...but you won't have to imagine, will you? You'll see it for yourself, in every tainted and sordid detail, if you view the memory. I wish I could tell you that there's no need for it. But I do think you're right. That you must.

And I'm gonna hate if it means nightmares for you, too.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_charlie]

Yeah. But seeing it in a memory's not like being there, and having to convince all that lot I was enjoying watching it.

And I keep telling you: if you're going to have to live with it, I'm damn well not going to make you be the only one.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

I'll hold the bucket if you have to spew afterwards. Guess I owe you that. And believe me, it'll be a real possibility.

Sorry.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_charlie]

I keep telling you, it's all right.

I've got a pretty strong stomach, though. You've got to, in my line of work. And I know it's not the same, but still.

Think you could eat? I'm all turned 'round the clock with you, so my body thinks it's lunchtime. Was thinking of commandeering the kitchen for a while.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

Yeah. I'm just finishing up another private message, this one to Frank, and then I'll be down. It smells like Mum baked enough for an army today. There should be something good to help down the next dose of tea with honey.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_charlie]

I'll see if I can turn up some chicken, too -- think I saw some in the cold-box. If Ron didn't inhale the last of it after supper.

C'mon, you. Let's go feed ourselves.

Also -- I love you, you know. In case I haven't mentioned recently enough.

Re: Private message to Charlie Weasley

[alt_bill]

Love you, too. Little brother.

Even if you do steal my chicken.

Private message to Poppy Pomfrey and Severus Snape

[alt_bill]

Thank you for your advice last night, although I apologise that I didn't receive it as graciously as I should have. Especially since you've been preoccupied with Minerva (Charlie passed on your report, and I am wishing you the best in bringing her back).

Anyway, the advice all was good and it seemed to help, even if I wasn't in a fit state to appreciate it last night. I'm still sucking down tea with extra honey.

Hope my teeth don't entirely rot away entirely before I feel more the thing.

Private message to Frank Longbottom

[alt_bill]

Thank you for what you wrote to me, Frank. I'm gonna hang on to that. Yeah, I know I couldn't stop it, although I still feel--I keep seeing the kid standing there. He's one of Ron's dorm mates, you know? The first time I tried to sleep last night, my imagination keeps substituting Ron, with his wand point trained on Mum.

No wonder it took me until so late to drop off.

I also wanted to say, about what you said about taking a drink...yeah. I won't go down that road. At least, I will do my damnedest to keep from doing so, I promise.

Thank Merlin I had Charlie here last night. He kept me from own worst impulses. And I admit that what's happened to Minerva scares me.

Re: Private message to Frank Longbottom

[alt_frank]

we'll keep working on keeping them safe, man. as safe as we can.

the thing about your dad was that it wasn't

he was supposed to be low risk. for a damn good reason. he wasn't supposed to be in the line of fire. and when the fire came to him, it was something none of us could've planned for. ben and emmy, they went to ireland knowing full well what could happen.

guess what I'm trying to say is it's fucking terrifying when something like that happens when it isn't supposed to. when it's someone who needs to be safe. when it's something we can't control.

I'll make sure to bring up safety protocols at the next meeting. we do drills once a month at moddey, evacuation drills and the like. maybe we can set up a few scenario drills order wide just to test the system, make sure everyone knows their options and has a plan. maybe that'll help.

and wanting to get a bit numb and not remember things for a little while is part of it. it can just get out of hand, is all. when it turns into a habit you can't shake, and there's nothing else that'll do the trick.

Re: Private message to Frank Longbottom

[alt_bill]

I think examining our security procedures is a good idea. I'd be willing to put heads together with you and Kingsley about that.

I think I might want to increase our wards on the Burrow, too. Just for my own peace of mind.

Trying to get numb...yes. That seemed awfully appealing this week. In fact, Poppy's potion, despite the reason I took it, felt almost like a relief, right when I downed the dose. It did make it seem as if nothing mattered.

Maybe that's why coming off of it was so difficult. I was an absolute beast to Charlie during the withdrawal.

I just didn't want to come back.

However, I don't intend to take it again. Don't want to start down that road, either. I'm going to have to figure this out, how to pick myself and go on without any props or crutches. Somehow.

Oh, Frank, I just miss him so much. I talked to him almost every day, had lunch with him several times a week. And I always came back every Sunday night for dinner. He was my sounding board, my confidante, my, well, my father confessor. Literally. I talked to him more than I talked with anyone. I know Mum's feeling the same way; it's just an ache, because you keep reaching out for him, and he's not there.

[alt_pomona]

Bill, so good to hear from you.

Back to the astronomy, I still don't know what to suggest. But if I can help - asking Aurora who could do the work, perhaps. Well, I'm glad to.

[alt_bill]

Would she be the best choice, do you think? Considering who her fiancé is? Could she be trusted to keep the request to herself? Because we don't want this to get back to the Council, that someone who was there is trying to find out the site of the rite. I'm afraid that suspicion would fall upon me immediately, as I may have been the only who came via side-along.

We would have to consider very carefully how to approach her. I think we should add this as an agenda item, to discuss at the Order meeting.

[alt_pomona]

That's the thing - and yes, perhaps best discussed at the meeting.

I want to trust her, so very much. But you're - she doesn't keep much from him. I'm not sure she could. And even asking if she'd keep something from him makes it so very clear that there's something serious at stake.

Do I trust her to answer the question "Who else could do this work?" and not tell him? Yes. I do. If someone she trusted asked it (that would be me or Poppy, I'd assume.)

Do I trust her to do the work herself and not tell Rabastan? I have no idea. If we could present it as a pure academic problem, a matter of curiousity, then perhaps. But if she got any hint there was more, then, well, I've no idea. Maybe Poppy might.

Or do we tell her and as Severus suggested (forgive me, Auri) Obliviate her afterwards? Or give her the choice, which is only slightly better.

And that's the risk. She's so very good at putting pieces together when she pays attention, and we've no way of knowing how much they've told her - if anything - about the whole mess.

I wish I knew how much she'd told Rabastan about the matters with Poppy and Snowdonia this summer. That would at least let us gauge. But one can't ask, really, without tipping one's hand.