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Order Only: Private message to Charlie Weasley
I hope Maggie was happy to see you again. Not to mention Dree and Em. (I suppose that's too much to expect from Copacati. Tell me that at least she refrained from biting you.)
It's hard going back though, isn't it? I was so knackered when I came home tonight that I almost ended up planting myself face first in my plate of Mum's shepherd pie at dinner. How'd your first day back go?
Do tell your coworkers thanks again, from all the Weasleys, for shifting schedules around so that you could get so much time off.
Mum seemed to do all right today. As best as I could tell, anyway. If she sat down to have a little weep at midday of course, I wasn't here to see it, and she didn't admit it to me. I'm afraid that time is going to weigh heavily on her hands now that she's being eased out her barter network role. At least until the spring gardening season starts. She's used to being busy. I do think having her explore starting at Laszlo's is a good idea. Glad that Remus, Tonks and Sirius are willing to at least consider it.
Speaking of Laszlo's, last night was an excellent way to end our time together. Must admit I got almost misty-eyed watching Remus with Bea. Even a bit choked up. Reckon he's already as good a dad as Dad was (I did snicker to myself though when I spotted the jam on his lapel and the stuffed toy dangling out of his pocket). Between Tonks, Remus, Sirius, the Order and all the customers--not to mention you and me--Bea is going to be the most doted upon kid in New London.
I'm ready to start a new chess game. Do you want black or white this time?
One other thing. Thanks. Not just for all your help and support the past few weeks but also...for viewing that cursed memory. I know it wasn't pleasant. And yeah, I resisted when you first suggested it, but oddly enough, you were dead right. It's a comfort that I'm not carrying the weight of that all by myself anymore. Maybe that makes me selfish, but at least I don't feel so alone now. So, yeah.
Thanks.
That reminds me: Albus pulled me aside privately when the meeting was over and said something downright peculiar. He was talking about the rite, and my presence there. He told me that the effects of proximity to dark magic can vary from person to person. Mania, megalomania, even lust. Anger, aggression and irritation, too. (Which, I'm sure you'll agree, seems to be the route I took.) Of course it's worse if you do the dark magic yourself, he went on, but even just witnessing it can be difficult. 'One of the best antidotes, of course,' he added, looking at me in that piercing way he has, 'is remorse.'
At first I didn't understand. I hadn't participated in the rite; I didn't kill anybody.
But then I remembered what I did to Ron. And that's when I realised it for the first time: since I've apologised to him, I have felt better. It's a funny thing. That desperate, trapped-inside-my-own-skin feeling that made me want to flay myself with my own teeth, that has entirely disappeared.
Guess Albus knows what he's talking about.
It's hard going back though, isn't it? I was so knackered when I came home tonight that I almost ended up planting myself face first in my plate of Mum's shepherd pie at dinner. How'd your first day back go?
Do tell your coworkers thanks again, from all the Weasleys, for shifting schedules around so that you could get so much time off.
Mum seemed to do all right today. As best as I could tell, anyway. If she sat down to have a little weep at midday of course, I wasn't here to see it, and she didn't admit it to me. I'm afraid that time is going to weigh heavily on her hands now that she's being eased out her barter network role. At least until the spring gardening season starts. She's used to being busy. I do think having her explore starting at Laszlo's is a good idea. Glad that Remus, Tonks and Sirius are willing to at least consider it.
Speaking of Laszlo's, last night was an excellent way to end our time together. Must admit I got almost misty-eyed watching Remus with Bea. Even a bit choked up. Reckon he's already as good a dad as Dad was (I did snicker to myself though when I spotted the jam on his lapel and the stuffed toy dangling out of his pocket). Between Tonks, Remus, Sirius, the Order and all the customers--not to mention you and me--Bea is going to be the most doted upon kid in New London.
I'm ready to start a new chess game. Do you want black or white this time?
One other thing. Thanks. Not just for all your help and support the past few weeks but also...for viewing that cursed memory. I know it wasn't pleasant. And yeah, I resisted when you first suggested it, but oddly enough, you were dead right. It's a comfort that I'm not carrying the weight of that all by myself anymore. Maybe that makes me selfish, but at least I don't feel so alone now. So, yeah.
Thanks.
That reminds me: Albus pulled me aside privately when the meeting was over and said something downright peculiar. He was talking about the rite, and my presence there. He told me that the effects of proximity to dark magic can vary from person to person. Mania, megalomania, even lust. Anger, aggression and irritation, too. (Which, I'm sure you'll agree, seems to be the route I took.) Of course it's worse if you do the dark magic yourself, he went on, but even just witnessing it can be difficult. 'One of the best antidotes, of course,' he added, looking at me in that piercing way he has, 'is remorse.'
At first I didn't understand. I hadn't participated in the rite; I didn't kill anybody.
But then I remembered what I did to Ron. And that's when I realised it for the first time: since I've apologised to him, I have felt better. It's a funny thing. That desperate, trapped-inside-my-own-skin feeling that made me want to flay myself with my own teeth, that has entirely disappeared.
Guess Albus knows what he's talking about.
no subject
I wonder how he's doing. Is HE feeling remorse? If he isn't, by all rights it should wreck him much worse than it wrecked me.
I wonder if it is, if it's enough for Ron to notice?
It feels as though we're losing a generation. You and I are the vanguard, the ones with only a faint memory of the way things used to be. We need to get this turned around again while there are still people who have the memories to lead us back.