Private message to Headmistress Dolores Umbridge

[alt_bill]

Madam Umbridge:

I am writing to you out of concern that a birthday package sent to my brother, Ronald Weasley, seems to have gone astray. I understand that there seem to be new procedures at Hogwarts concerning owl delivery, but I think that you should know that apparently there are some kinks in these new procedures.

Ron's package should have arrived on Monday. I know that it was received, because our owl has returned home, but Ron has not received it yet.

The package contained a pair of gloves, a scarf, and a tin of biscuits. The scarf and gloves, in particular, are irreplaceable, as they belonged to our father, who as you know we lost this past December. I very much want Ron to possess these items, and I trust you will give this matter your prompt attention.

Bill Weasley
Assistant Director of Purity Control
Ministry of Magic

Comments

[alt_umbridge]

Mr Weasley,

You are correct that there are some new procedures, designed to ensure the proper running of the school. I believe you will find that the non-prohibited items (in this case, gloves, scarf, and any teensy personal notes) should be delivered to your brother at some point today.

To best serve the functions and goals of the school, we are discouraging the delivery of any food items going forward. I'd appreciate it if you would pass that along to anyone else who might have been inclined to send such things.

[alt_bill]

How, exactly, does the confiscation of food items serve the 'functions and goals' of the school? Are cauldrons blowing up in Potions class because of dropped crumbs? Are the telescopes in the Astronomy Tower getting smeared with jam?

It's not just the issue of the food. It's the relationships. My mother, as you know, has been recently widowed. Cooking and sending care packages to her children is one of the ways she's dealing with her grief. Do you really think it's politic for you to interfere with family relationships in this way?

[alt_umbridge]

Mr Weasley,

I am sure you understand that I must look at the benefits and disadvantages to the entire school and student body, not make exceptions for any single family.

However, I am glad to explain the reasoning in somewhat more detail.

It became clear to me this fall that Hogwarts was failing our dear children. That the school as a whole had not been fully reviewed with regard to the needs and demands on our students as they become full members of the Protectorate's work and life. Likewise, it has become clear to me that many habits of discipline, order, and proper social station had been thoroughly neglected.

In specific, as regards food, I have instituted changes that will help ensure that we feed each and every student nutritious food appropriate to their age and station, and that we can monitor the results. This is to the benefit of the school - and the school's budget.

Naturally, the introduction of outside treats interferes with that process in a number of ways. Eliminating treats also reduces wear on books, the demands on cleaning by the castle's house-elves, the encouragement of vermin in the dormitories, and much more. I know you have less experience at the Ministry than many, dear, but I'm sure you've seen enough to know the vast advantages consistency can bring to a large organisation.

In regards to your mother, we do intend to let packages that do not contain food or other problematic items through. Perhaps she might turn her attention to some handcraft or another.

[alt_bill]

Of course you must not make exceptions for any family. My point is that there are a lot of families with which you are interfering; my family's situation was merely meant as one example.

Funny, I've never heard that the hose elves serving Hogwarts weren't up to the job of doing the cleaning. Nor have I ever noticed a problem with vermin at the school, and after all, I was there for seven years. Standards have slipped since you assumed the headship, have they? Odd, since we've managed to limp along just fine for close to a thousand years under the old system.

And I would think that it would mean less strain on the school budget if snacks are supplemented by outside sources.

Order Only

[alt_bill]

Enjoy the biscuits, you unspeakable bint.

Too bad they'll go directly to your well-upholstered hips.